spotsemit

I told a prefessional about my dream
I came to a wheat field where
the bugs have eaten me alive
bones on ground where i was laying down
I can see it from from a distance
from the sky, I
just feel. I just feel
good
Is any of this for real?
Does anyone feel like this?
how long can i stay in bed for?

I am awake I think now
why do i feel so good after crying
when exactly did I become
who I am laying down
ducking out
always wanting to just get
away and lost in a crowd
until i can re-emerge
when i can stand out
I know where I stand I just don't know
how to walk away
I feel like I have been crawling on a treadmill
my knees and hands are boiled and bloody
it's like someone else brought me here
some time ago,
I forgot to check up
on what was going on
for the past five years
A girl is singing to me now on my headphones
helping me find some quiet
in my diamond heart
each facet reflects an exploding star
but keeps the light out
It's me and you creating ills of our world
and fill the oceans with salt


It's such a comfort talking to strangers
and sheets of paper
about the god-awful truth

You are an inverted plant.

Think about it for a few years and read some plant shamanism books. Then you'll get it.

How to beat society:

"Trust your own urge to withdraw even when a million messages are telling you, "The world is fine, what's wrong with you? Get with the program." Trust your innate belief that you are here on earth for something magnificent, even when a thousand disappointments have told you you are ordinary. Trust your idealism, buried in your eternal child's heart, that says that a far more beautiful world than this is possible. Trust your impatience that says "good enough" is not good enough. Do not label your noble refusal to participate as laziness and do not medicalize it as an illness. Your heroic body has merely made a few sacrifices to serve your growth."

My little pool of white lava
lying in bed
I am going to dive in
and melt and scream
til I'm white

twigs were missing home
and chicken picking on the kids
Determining their colors
Squids Black ink, Peach fizz
All layered like good soup

Reminds me of folds
reminds me of dogs barking mindlessly
reminds me or your sister
and little icelandic girls

Made another hole in my head
I want to let them in
and drink
I know whats on the other side
of every new door

The door of today
is the same as the last
a cold hand rests on it again
the other fist pounding fast.

Grab me by my hips
and pull me in close
I don't have a lot of faith left
I have found new lows
I have found new lows.

If you go around digging
on the old back lawn
you will get dirty
but you might dig up the dawn
I just need a new dawn

or an old one.
Whatever you can find
so I can see what I'm doing
and what I have left behind.

Papers, pens, and crumbs
all over my bed
I will move them for no one
I might as well be dead
I might as well be dead.

Accidents that damage your life for the better
Dreams are getting wetter
won't you knit me a sweater
for my broken wings

Your passion that's weighed down by bills
the bee sting wakes you
the hot spring gives you chills
the moment spiraling with the perfect few

All along you are a sun king
engaging in conversations with the trees
you sing a song it solves nothing
but everyone falls to their knees

Your journalese friends can't help but speak fast
the power of language
the tools of the past
silence will take over Babbage

Feeling unworthy and embarrassed of what's inside
Dance to your damage
Time, time, time to decide
where do idle spirits go when untied

You are what your deep driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
as your will is, so is your deed.
as your deed is, so is your destiny.

-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5.


 we layed in the stars because we couldn't reach heaven
still we sing the hymns that go sailing round the world
sitting at the port  we just rhyme and sigh
the words are still running dead curled floating
in space without time
our eyes are dusty and pure white
speed is putting on a bright show

 
the watery air I breathed
you took in your sweaty hands
and created a soothing machine
it meant everything
I held the trigger as you held me
fear spilled out across the floor
into cracks and beyond shadows
still in it you can see
my reflected face and my brothers
all the lines in our face
traces of our mothers
hung on our walls were pictures of time
the bible does not prove eternity
like dead and dusty mimes
it does not matter how many times I cried
and all the people who died
just to know your alive
and these old photopraghs
I can spit on

space invitations
are flying like spirits
from the couch cushion next to me
i hate parties
where are the chairs?

 

Moths to flames
people to electric city night
rewinding to the sun
hearts born in light. 

the cornfield of you and me
presently
whats real
sparkles in infinity
the landscape we hold
isn't ours we're told
but we painted it ourselves
even the smells and the score
you are my creator and I am yours
love everything you make
give all you take
like hands
and time
and poetry.
 

timestops
A moment does not fleet
it sheds a new skin
husks decorate the floor around your feet
harmless as they are
you wear them like scars
layered over your eyes
tied around your tongue
we can't speak about what's here
in a moment bigger than the universe

Through the bottom of a green bottle
I've seen you stare at me staring at you
You like me with green skin
a glossy bride with no pride
beyond the veil
braver by and by

Passion fruit ripe and rot
give the seed a chance
fell from an apple tree in winter
It was cold
we lost our fire
so I huddled with friends
on the ground
we shared stories and danced
to survive
the music kept us alive
more than spring ever could

some peels are like 
the backs of playing cards
three cherubs stare in a mirror
which side is real
there heads turned in sync
Twelve eyes blink
 I wish it were acceptable to pull th e peel away.

I am only human.
I always do the best I can.
Sometimes I like what I do.
Sometimes I don't like what I do.
I wish I could always like what I do.
I wish I could always do what I like.


I have two ears.
I have two eyes.
I have one body.
I see much with my eye.
I hear much with my ears.
I feel much with my body.
I notice some of what I see.
I usually think that what I notice is all there is.


I have judgements and opinions about everything.
I want my judgements and opinions to be right.
I would always like to know the truth.
I would like to be accurate all the time.
Sometimes I am right.
Sometimes I am wrong.
I don't like this, but I am only human.
I am only human.
I always do the best that I can.
My best is just my best.
I have opinions about my best.
Sometimes my best is good enough.
Sometimes my best is not good enough.
I would like my best to always be good enough.
I want to always like myself.
I want to always trust myself.
I don't always like myself.
I don't always trust myself.
That is the way it is to be human.
I don't like it.
That is the way it is.
Life is precarious.
That is the way it is.


I am not sure how long I will live.
I might die in the next minute.
I might die in the next hour.
I might die in the next year.
I might live forever.


I might be proud of my life.
I might not be proud of my life.
I might not even be living now.
I want to know all there is about life.
I want to live my life to the fullest.
I am afraid I might not be living to the fullest.
I am afraid I might be living life to the fullest.
Sometimes I think I am in control of my life.
Sometimes I think I am not in control of my life.
Sometimes I reminisce about the past.
Sometime I worry about the furtue.
I wish I could trust that the right things will happen to me in the future.
I sometimes live in the present.
living in the present is living before judgement.


There are other people in my world.
I did not choose to have all these people in my world.
Some people I like.
Some people I don't like.
Some people I like sometimes and not other times.
I can never tell when I will like someone until I like them.
I wish other people were predictable.
I wish other people were more like me.
I wish other people would always do what I want them to do.
I wish I could have any type of relationship with anyone I want anytime I want.
I wish I knew all about relationships.
I wish I could live happily ever after.
I want other people to like me.
I want other people to love me.
Sometimes other people like me; sometimes they don't.
Sometimes other people love me; sometimes they don't.


I live on Earth.
There are trees on my Earth.
There are buildings on my Earth.
Some parts of Earth I like and some I don't.
I have my own Earth.
You have your own Earth.